Wings like Eagles

          Imagine that you are a eagle flying in the sky being free from all things and being able to go where you want to. Even when a storm is here the eagle still look oh so majestic. The lighting may be a bother as well with its rain and wind, but nothing is to strong to hold them back. All they do is have to fly a little harder then usual. They might have to take a rest for a second or two, but once they are up nothing will be able to bring them down. Plus this animal can't be tamed, they might get captured, but their sprite can't ever be broken.

          I can see myself as a eagle in that way, but for me the eagle is my sprite. I may get people talking crap, try to tear me down, push, and everything else, but I will never be taken down. From what was once said, "Celebrate your success and stand stand strong when adversity hits, for when the storm clouds com in, the eagles soar while the small birds take cover" This says to me that many things try to get in our way from the goal that is set for me from God, but being like this it will not make me go hide and take shelter it will just make me work harder doing it.

Two in one

When you talk about your life you mostly will use the word "I" when you are describing some that "you" have done, but in reality there is not “you” or "I" there is only "us" and "we". The reason that was said because in each of us there is some else that is in our lives as well and his name is Jesus Christ. He lives in our heart and he is deals in our lives every day, so why would you say that you did something when there were two of you in one body. This may be difficult to understand now, but as you go on in life and live through to something’s in life you will then understand what I mean.

       In this "I" will be explaining more what "I" think he is trying to tell me, so that people can think about it and understand when people say you are not a whole person until they are with him. Think about the verse Psalm 23:4: Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. As it says we are never alone, but we may think we are. If we do feel that way it’s because we are the one that walks away from him. 

I know from a personal have done this many times. From dealing with parents, brother going across seas, eating disorder, cutting, depression. But when I feel down the most is when I see god the most come in my life because I never realized what he has done in my life. One story that I happened about three weeks ago and God really showed him-self to me when I was walking home about 10:30 p.m.

I was at a party and I was getting hungry, so I decided to go and get Subway. Well when I was my car started acting up and then just died on me. So I call my mom and she starts yelling at me because the car broke down. Then was just giving me attitude that whole night. So I decided that to walk to my dad’s from the party. Just too clear things up the person that had the party did not know I was walking home. I ran and walked in the cold night. Then in the middle of my walk, I just started crying and broke down. I close my eyes and asked God "why?" When I reopened my eyes I looked up in the sky and saw a real shooting star. That reminded me that God was in control and he is always with me. But sometimes I step away because I forget what he can do sometimes.

As you can see that I am not perfect either, but we just need to remember that we are never alone and he never leaves us, we leave him. So next time you feel alone remember this blog or at-least the poem. Well I will leave with a question: "Has there been a time in your life that you felt alone or that God as felt you?" Then as yourself "Did you leave him?"

Who am I?

"Who am I? 
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I? 
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart."

This is the start of casting crowns song "WHO AM I" Lately I have been thinking about that question because right now I don't know the answer. I have been moving, so fast in life that I have lost my self and I don't know how I am at all in life. I think the best way is not to go any were at all after school except for home and really think on who I truly am. This is going to be hard for me because i don't like not doing anything, but at the same time I don't know how I should be. Like the picture above, it seems to me that I don't have a identity. All that I see myself is what people want me to do, and do what they want me to do.  I feel lost inside myself and in a world that moves, so fast the next thing that will happen I don't know how to respond or I will be to far in life that I will regret on things that I will do.

Well I am sick of how people are trying to form me and trying to avoid this I have done the opposite and become thing they wanted me to be. I still have the same goals in life, but thats about it. Right now I can't think straight on everyday things and things that I should be doing in my life right now. I wish that I could go far away from everything and let me be myself and let me find who I would like to be. So for now if their is anything new in life this is probably the ay that you will here it at. 

The Same Emotions

          "How do you feel?" is a question that everyone ask. For some people a answer is given like "O.K." or "I'm alright", but other times it can all be told by their face expressions. The last one is the way that many people tell people how they fell and it can also tell people if you are in the mood to talk to people or not.

          For me people really have to ask me "How do you feel?" because for me i don't really show emotions  through face expression because of what has happen in the past. Another reason is, so that I don't have to talk about what is going on and sometimes I really don't want to talk to people. The last reason is that I have to be strong, so that I can't show what I am really feel (at least for now).

          This is a life that many people don't live, but it is away to hide the past and pain that I am dealing with. Most of the time people like sharing about what is going on, but I don't like to because it makes me feel like people are feeling sorry for me. That is not the life that I want to live. I don't what to have a life like my parents on making people feel crappy and sorry for them. Also I don't want to buy things to make me feel better or have someone in my life to keep me in a bubble. I would rather live alone then have a life like that.

Sands of Time.

When you see this what is the first thing that comes to your mind? Is it time in mean how long a hour has gone by or is it time in 60 sec. for until your turn is over in a game. Well if it is one of those or not for me it means life to me and how much life we have left on this Planet. I think that god fills our glass with sand and each grain of sand means how many days we have left. Being able to see your hourglass would you change the ways that you would live or do somethings  that you wished about doing and always thought you would have time to do? Really think about what would go through your mind if you could see how much life that you have left to live.

Next question is if you could see this and then talk to God what would you ask him? Would you ask him to add time, tell you what day you would die, how old if you can't tell be how much, is it possible for what I do with my life if it can change, or something else? If I could have seen my hourglass two years ago or even today I know what I would ask him to do. I would ask him if he could make my time skip a couple of years because then I would not have to deal with somethings that I would have to deal with know or in the future. Plus I then could get away from many people that I really don't even care to see or to talk to. If I could have done this I would be on my own in college living a better life. Yes, I would have missed some really neat things and would not have met some very cool people, but then I would not have a dark past as I do know because of what I have had to go through.

Having a Super Power

          Having a super power would be col to have just think how popular or how much people would notice you. I would say that I have a power, but for me I  dot get noticed at all. I have to power to be invisible. I love it because during this senior year I am tired of listen or dealing with all the stupid stuff that happens in high school.

     During this year I was talking to one of my many acquaintance at Yorktown and when we were talking she told me that she didn't even realize that I still went to Yorktown and said I was manly invisible this year. I was so happy with that. Then a couple weeks ago I was in my accounting class and my teacher makes a comment on bullying. Then as a joke he said to my 11 person class he had to talk to me about what I did(I really did nothing he was just seeing who was paying attention in class) then one student said "Who's Jason?" and I laughed mostly because I was 20 feet in front of him and no one way in-between us. Plus the other reason that I laughed was that the person that told me that I was "invisible" was true and just not to her.

          With that I am still being myself and i won't change I like being the one in the background not being notice because when that happens I feel like I am more of who I am. I know that, that's bad to say, but I found out being more invisible is better to be noticed. Becoming invisible you don't get put into certain situations. Knowing this I am been out of many fun parts of being a kid, but at the same time I know that I will benefit it in the future. This will better myself because I can stand in the back and see others make mistakes and I can learn for them. Plus being in a public school people make fun of you, but when you become invisible they will not and they will realize that if they do make fun of you, you don't care. This is my life and if you don't like it deal with it, but don't try to change it.

Being Awake, But Not Awaken

          For many people this is a beautiful thing to see in the morning when they are awake because it means a new day with a fresh start. For me when I awake all I see is the start of a day that seems to never end and then I go some where and then come back home late that evening and go home and sleep and it just repeats. It seems for me that nothing has changed and I am just here right now to do this and do that. I get so tired, but for what I see for myself I can not do nothing. I have to do something. I seem like I am a light in the dark and the wind is blowing, so hard that I am vanishing. I work myself until I have no more to give and then that's when I sleep which gives me only like two to three hours of sleep a night. Then I drink coffee and deal with new things, but in the same way they are old. So when I see this picture I just see something that brings more defeat to my life/ things to do in so little time to do in a day.

          With doing this I mostly have coffee or something with caffeine to get through the day(s). I feel like i burn the candle at both ends. I do this every day until I have a long weekend or a break. I recover from many days(any were from 20 up to 125) then I will only give myself life two to three to get recharged and then I am back up and doing this all over again. I feel that I am here on Earth to do much, and I don't like to think about what I am doing with myself. This gets tiring and stressful a lot, but once I have learned not be burnt out you know that a way to get through the day(s) is to drink something that is strong and give you this energy. Plus with being like this for me I am on the road so much I have learn to only eat a little amount of food. This is why I am so thine it is a lifestyle choice and I like doing to much and making other people happy and I cant gain to much weight because I have seen what I will become and I now how to live with little. Plus I think about why should I eat so much whenever I want to when kids in other countries don't get much to nothing and many die each year because they don't get enough food.

          With doing this I have been more exclusive to people and other things that I use to do because I don't like to think what I should be doing or if I could be doing something. The only bad side to this is that you get sometimes more irritable and with that comes anger/stress. Having this negative I turn it into a positive by bottling it up and then taking it out when I run or play soccer. This is one reason that I kick so hard and run so much/fast. But doing this it also keeps myself in shape. So most of the time I will seem really energize, but that's only because I get something that will give me that energy to stay awake. I am be awake and be moving around, but inside my body is asleep and has not awaken yet. Who knows when/if it will?