Being Awake, But Not Awaken

          For many people this is a beautiful thing to see in the morning when they are awake because it means a new day with a fresh start. For me when I awake all I see is the start of a day that seems to never end and then I go some where and then come back home late that evening and go home and sleep and it just repeats. It seems for me that nothing has changed and I am just here right now to do this and do that. I get so tired, but for what I see for myself I can not do nothing. I have to do something. I seem like I am a light in the dark and the wind is blowing, so hard that I am vanishing. I work myself until I have no more to give and then that's when I sleep which gives me only like two to three hours of sleep a night. Then I drink coffee and deal with new things, but in the same way they are old. So when I see this picture I just see something that brings more defeat to my life/ things to do in so little time to do in a day.

          With doing this I mostly have coffee or something with caffeine to get through the day(s). I feel like i burn the candle at both ends. I do this every day until I have a long weekend or a break. I recover from many days(any were from 20 up to 125) then I will only give myself life two to three to get recharged and then I am back up and doing this all over again. I feel that I am here on Earth to do much, and I don't like to think about what I am doing with myself. This gets tiring and stressful a lot, but once I have learned not be burnt out you know that a way to get through the day(s) is to drink something that is strong and give you this energy. Plus with being like this for me I am on the road so much I have learn to only eat a little amount of food. This is why I am so thine it is a lifestyle choice and I like doing to much and making other people happy and I cant gain to much weight because I have seen what I will become and I now how to live with little. Plus I think about why should I eat so much whenever I want to when kids in other countries don't get much to nothing and many die each year because they don't get enough food.

          With doing this I have been more exclusive to people and other things that I use to do because I don't like to think what I should be doing or if I could be doing something. The only bad side to this is that you get sometimes more irritable and with that comes anger/stress. Having this negative I turn it into a positive by bottling it up and then taking it out when I run or play soccer. This is one reason that I kick so hard and run so much/fast. But doing this it also keeps myself in shape. So most of the time I will seem really energize, but that's only because I get something that will give me that energy to stay awake. I am be awake and be moving around, but inside my body is asleep and has not awaken yet. Who knows when/if it will?